Saturday musings

Fell asleep on the loveseat (again) last night. Lights out before 9:30. Oh to be young again! Woke up way earlier than usual (4:30 am, or as the Husband, a.k.a. the Dad, calls it, "O Dark Thirty"), and earlier than I had to be.

Realized that I had forgotten my injection. Once a week I get to stick myself with 50 mg. of Enbrel, as well as ingesting 25 mg of methotrexate, either of which can give me liver damage or lymphoma. Sound like fun yet? The injection itself doesn't hurt, but the drug? Well, it sucks. Burns and stings like hell. Apparently they have to make it more acidic in order to give it a longer shelf life. Oh, and the injections have to be refrigerated, and that makes travel just that much more fun. I used to swear when I did it. F, F, F, you get the picture. Then I had some epiphany, and decided that if I tried to relax (not so easy) and if I said the Our Father, Protestant edition with the "for Thine is the Kingdom...etc. it takes just long enough to get me through the entire injection. Still stings, but works much better. Apparently, I also realized I have to have privacy to do it. I don't have any places where the Husband and I haven't pretty much gone in terms of full disclosure (he emptied bedpans during my labor with our second kid, can't get much more open than that) but this thing is different. I need to be alone. Don't quite know why, but it hasn't worked out as well if he's been around. So now I go it alone.

Why do I sadistically abuse myself with dangerous drugs? I have Psoriatic Arthritis, among other medical issues) which means I get to have two, two, two autoimmune diseases in one! The joy and fun of itchy, ugly patches of skin that make swimming in public less about how the big fat body looks in the suit and more about "will they think it's contagious and ask me to leave?" Responding to comments about poison ivy, (no it's not), and well meaning "does it hurt?"remarks (sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin, but thanks for asking) . Shopping becomes a search for 3/4 length sleeves, unless it is bad and has migrated to my hands. Then forget it all. Oh, and the skin part is also affected by stress. Stress!!! Just having the disease is stressful!

Then there is the systemic arthritis part. Sometimes, sure, there's pain, and my knees have taken turns blowing up with fluid, and there are problems with the tendon sheaths in my hands. But almost rather have that than the skin part. Much more socially acceptable.

I need to keep on top of the medication because it is an autoimmune disease, my body is destroying its connective tissue. Even if there isn't any pain, the destruction of the joints can take place.

Some day I will bore you all with my other medical issues (and there are a few) but I think I brought this beautiful and finally sunny day down low enough. I will go and work on Happy Thoughts. You do the same.